Communication habits

“Communication is the response you get…”

The quote is one of the NLP presuppositions that I have learnt from my certification program. Yes, we communicate everyday and we get all sorts of responses as well.

Another favourite of mine is…

“You cannot NOT communicate!”

During my training workshops, I will ask the participants (especially to those who are married)… “what will happen if you do not communicate with your spouse for a week?”

Most of them will answer… “you will sleep outdoor…” “that’s the end of you…” haha all interesting answers.

In this blog, I would like to share some good communication practices and habits.

Please feel free to share your thoughts as I believe I am still learning and we are in this learning journey together.

Here it goes…

  • being congruent

How are you being consistent with your words, the way you say it and body language? Are you in harmony with your intention and action?

Trust is congruence between what you say and what you do. – Peter Drucker

  • Attunement

When communicate with others, how aware are you with their responses? How is the receiver learning? What method will be effective for them to learn faster? Visual, Auditory or Kinaesthetic?

We each have a sixth sense that is attuned to the oneness dimension in life, providing a means for us to guide our lives in accord with our ideas. – Henry Reed

  • Listening

How are you listening?

We can learn from the late Stephen Covey… “listening with the intent to understand…

it will be challenging to listen effectively when you have filters. We start judging and jumping into conclusion… definitely not helping us nor achieving good rapport with the speaker.

Awareness and mindfulness to perfect practice empathy… listening to emotions in the tone and physiology… may not be easy at first, it requires a lot of conscious effort plus practices to make it into a good habit.

Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike. – Daniel Goleman

  • 5 second rule

Happened to come across this learning from the book… “To sell is human” by Daniel Pink. A good book to read for leaders.

In summary, let’s wait for 5 seconds to ensure that others have finished with what they have to say… then we can reply. Pause and silent is one of the powerful tools in communication.

Silence is one of the great arts of conversation. – Marcus Tullius Cicero

  • Ask one question at a time

Our brains works fast and we may have lots to say or ask… to be effective, learn to focus on one question at a time. Let the receiver understand and internalise what you are asking, let them have the opportunity to answer with better comprehension of your question.

Avoid asking “nested questions”… question within a question or too many questions at one go…

The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus. – Bruce Lee

  • It’s the manner not the matter

Communication is how we deliver the message not only the message nor it’s meaning.

Even if it’s not so good news delivered in a right manner, trumps good news delivered inappropriately…

Better good manners than good looks. – Proverb

  • Avoiding sarcasm nor assumptions

Usage of words and how you say them is important. What I’ve learnt when providing feedback and not to sound sarcastic nor implying that the receiver is at fault… usage of “I” rather than “you” will be recommended. “You” sounded more like placing the person as the attention of the conversation and may cause them to feel at fault.

Ask questions, don’t make assumptions. – Angela Ahrendts

  • Begin and end with positive

Imagine when you start on a journey with positive… a good start and everything will be better… the feeling will be great too. Then finishing off with positive as well… WOW! I don’t know about you, for me… that is truly recommended and ideal in any situation (most of the time…).

Let’s do our best to start and end with positive. People will be more appreciative and should we be consistent with that practice, it becomes our brand as a positive communicator.

Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success. – Paul J Meyer

Feel free to experiment the sharing above and let me know how it goes… looking forward to your success!

“Your habits, your future!”